November 10, 2021

Chemo sucks. I’m just going to say it. I’m so done, I’m that crispy burnt piece of bacon that’s brittle and charred nobody wants—so sad, because what a waste of good bacon! Uuuuuuggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh! That’s how I’m feeling right now. It’s been 10 days since I made my last post, and it’s T-minus 5 days until my final round. MY LAST ROUND! 😭

I have been weeping a lot this week. Mostly because I can’t believe I have made it this far, but also because I cannot wait to be done with this shit; the chemo especially as I believe this is going to be the hardest part of this journey for me. I’m also anxious about the choices I must make in the upcoming weeks having met with the plastic surgeon.

It took SO long to recover from round 5 and truthfully I am not fully there. Checking in with post-round blood work, my labs looked great but I was feeling so dehydrated I did get fluids and steroids. This week, I’m experiencing swollen lymph nodes under my jaw like I’m trying to catch a cold.  Last night while making dinner I was listening to music and dancing in the kitchen—only through one song though as my heart felt it was going to explode. It made me lightheaded for the rest of the evening. That tells me just how taxing the chemo drugs have been on my heart because I was fit before we started this stuff.  The scalp is very tender and my hair is definitely shedding having thinned considerably these past couple of weeks. I’m dousing in Liquid IV in an attempt to stay hydrated. Definitely begging God to help my body keep it together to get me through next week. OK, that’s a long list of the past week’s suck.

Aside from the past 10 days of health fun, I worked SO much I kinda way overdid it, but as always I am grateful to have the work. I did work Monday through Friday with headshots, order sessions, and family sessions. I stressed the body out a little bit trying to keep up with everything but managed to power through and am so happy I did because I was fortunate to work with really great people in the community.

Below images from the week include: a cute gift a friend sent me to cheer me up, getting an IV, a clump of hair, my glow-up moment of the week, and working with clients.

By the way, I did want to mention that as I sat in the treatment center receiving my IV, I tried to keep my head down because it made me mentally ill to have to even sit there. I am experiencing unpleasant associations that make me nauseated. So, anyway, I sat and there were two other ladies receiving treatment. The one next to me was sleeping and I didn’t want to bother her, but then there was a nice lady sitting across from me and I sort of butted into the conversation of Thanksgiving. We continued on and it was really nice to think about something other than what we were currently experiencing until SHE sat down in the empty chair. SHE came and sat with us because we were chatty and happy. SHE then proceeded to interrupt our turkey talk with her cancer talk and that went on for dayyyyyyyys. SHE then started asking me about my treatment and began dishing out advice that (1) I didn’t need, and (2) I didn’t ask for, so shut up lady!!! Thankfully, my IV finished in the next 2 minutes and I could leave but I felt so sorry for the nice woman with whom I was chatting that had to sit there for the next few hours and listen to SHE. This leads me to my next few thoughts. Here are some tips if you have someone in your life who is really going through it (whatever IT is):

♦ Do NOT give advice unless they ASK for it!!!

♦ Wanna chat with the fun people? BE FUN! NO DEBBIE DOWNERS!

Other things of note:

♦ You don’t have to have an answer, JUST LISTEN until they unload.

♦ If they need space, it’s not personal, give it to them.

♦ Just let them know you are there for them, no matter what.

I realize of course, that yes, here I am giving advice when nobody asked for it. 😏✌

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