Hope, Joy, And Transformation

I grew up as a cradle Catholic and was taught to fear the Lord, believing that God would one day judge us all, determining whether we would go to heaven or hell. About 20 years ago, I helped care for my dad as he battled pancreatic cancer. During his home hospice care, I witnessed him fluctuate between this world and the next, and I felt blessed to be there as he took his last breath. It was a spiritual moment for me. After that experience, I embarked on a four-year study of the Bible. During this time, I discovered that God is loving, pure, and kind, which brought me immense peace in my relationship with Him.

Today’s Gospel from John 20:1-9 is about finding an empty tomb where only the burial cloths remained. The reflections are that the empty tomb is one of hope, joy and transformation. The unnamed disciple that Jesus loves sees the empty tomb and believes. WE are that unnamed disciple, and it’s our job to spread his message and to be a light to others. As I sit and reflect on today’s gospel, I’m grateful for my journey in this world. I’ve had a wonderful life. I’m grateful to know that Jesus was not about religion, but relationship, and that my God is so loving with infinite, unconditional love for us that we don’t need to be afraid of what comes next. Knowing this truly helped me through my breast cancer journey.

As I reflect on that time, I realize that I never truly feared death. I always believed I would survive and envisioned myself overcoming illness. What I did fear were the medicines and treatments, along with the possibility of losing my current self. It pained me to think about not being there for my family—a goodbye is never easy. I love my family and friends deeply, and who really wants to say goodbye? However, I held onto hope and am grateful for having overcome many extremely unpleasant experiences. I strive to find happiness in each day, as I believe I always have. Living through that challenge transformed my outlook on life. We are only here in this vessel for a short time, so we should make the most of our time. It’s important to live joyfully until it’s our time to move on to our eternal home. Our purpose is to be a source of light and love as best and as fully as we can in this world until we reach the next.

It’s the four year anniversary of my aunt’s passing from ovarian cancer. Four years ago, just days after she passed, I had a visit from a beautiful red cardinal. I never see cardinals in my backyard. EVER. Shortly thereafter, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. To this day, I believe it was a visit from my tia. As I sat here concentrating on my reflections of this Easter Sunday’s gospel account, a bird’s chirping pulled me out of my thoughts. The chirps grew louder and louder as if calling to me. I noticed my cats looking out toward the light and felt compelled to rush toward the window.  There I saw a brilliant red cardinal perched on the string of lights on my back patio, its beautiful crest flowing in the wind. It was calling to me as if to say, “Here I am! I am still with you!” It has been 4 years since I last had a visit!

So, in the spirit of John’s writings of hope, joy and transformation, I write these reflections optimistic for many more years of life that I will enjoy all this amazing world has to offer, and that I can learn every day to be who I am supposed to become in this world, in my vessel, hopefully as a light to others.

He has risen!