November 21, 2021
Finally – Round 6. It took everything I had inside me to get here…mentally, emotionally, and physically. My oncologist told me that as soon as I started to feel better from the last round it would be time to come in for 6 and she was right. I FINALLY started feeling better literally 2 days before I had to go in again but I mustered everything I had and did it. I fucking did it!!!
As I write this, it has been 5 days. I feel awful again. I felt great the day after, but now I feel awful. I am so incredibly grateful that I don’t have to do any more chemo. I am praying I don’t. I spent the day on Friday at the hospital having an MRI, ultrasound, and mamogram done for surgery so the doctors can compare the initial diagnostic results prior to treatment to the final treatment. I pray that they find my body had a pathological complete response.
I weep tears of joy, sadness, gratefulness, and just fucking wonder that I am even here going through this battle. I am through the most difficult part and yet it’s still so fucked up that I have so long to go when all I want is my life back. Still, it is such a relief for me to know that I got through an uphill battle. Six months have passed since my initial diagnosis and four months since I started chemotherapy. It has been a surreal experience; one that I have tried to share a fraction of here but can never fully express in it’s entirety because I have fought so many battles in my mind alone that it would take my lifetime to share.
I have spent the weekend feeling completely out of breath, heart racing, tired, and weak, but looking forward to that very near day my body is energetic. I know it will come toward the end of Thanksgiving and what more can I be thankful for than feeling like I can live again?
I cannot express my gratitude enough for my beautiful, strong, amazing oncologist and her entire team that run her office and care for her patients with joyous attitudes. Such a kind and compassionate woman, Dr. Thuy Le is and she is my hero because she is saving my life. She wept with me as I expressed my gratitude for her and her team and held my hand and hugged me at my last follow-up. I love her and her entire team. Anyway, I have to continue moving forward because I have to heal my body and there is more work to be done!
Photos from the week…last round, I painted my brows for this day! My youngest son joined us in celebrating my ringing the bell—his spirit has been so needed in our home as I go through this journey; ringing my bell; my nephew stopped by with flowers and LiquidIV; putting my game face on; resting on Saturday.
Crossing the first finish line…
I finished with all my hair. I finished still being able to work. I finished still managing to exercise occasionally. I finished while being able to travel. I finished without most people knowing I was going through treatment. In my mind’s eye, I finished being the anomaly to this treatment. I finished strong.